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I hate being a night owl

I hate being a night owl

I really hate becoming a night owl, but when the university is off, no matter what the duration of the holiday may be, I find no reason to wake up early. In fact, I do have enough reasons to become an early riser. And I really love to wake up with the sunrise. I love the sun. I love the morning fresh air. I love it because I know that’s the freshest and best part of the day. But still, I unintentionally become a night owl, a vampire, a bat, or anything that describes me well; that wakes all night and sleeps all day, and I really  hate becoming so. The only fact is, I don’t bite anybody in the neck, nor do I have canine teeth. I am harmless. 😀 And I am not alone. There are 4 of us, my cousins, who are on the same vampire mode these days. Today again, we slept at 5 am and when I woke up, it was 2’o clock in the afternoon. I thought I was late, but no I wasn’t, I was the first to get up among the four of us. Being on this mode really embarrasses me, especially the look on our elder’s face when we show up after sleeping all day makes me feel a strange guilt. Anyway, I washed my face and did my ‘’breakfast’’. My room was a complete mess with clothes and other things scattering all over. So I tidied my room, cleared up my cupboard and put everything in order and then I opened the window to let the last rays of the sun penetrate through it. I turned on my laptop, checked my blog and email. Then I skimmed over the news on some online newspapers, there was nothing special except for the mundane news that we get to hear every day. After that, I thought it’s been a while since I last posted on my blog, and there were so many things in my mind to write about, but I decided to write on my holiday activities, because the university is going to be open in two days and I will be missing my holidays; our midnight meals, the movie spree, and just the feeling of being together and enjoying the time. I really enjoy passing the time like this, but it’s never so long before I start to get bored by it. Now that the two-week winter holiday is almost over, I am already excited about the next semester. The only thing I love about the university is that it keeps me busy and most importantly, it makes me get up early in the morning. The fact is, it’s never too long when I would again long for holidays and the university routine would become unexciting to me. I think, it is because I love the initial stage of everything more than the middle part, that is, I like working on a new project, the initiative steps, I like the first few days of vacation, the rising of the sun, and anything that is in the development and changing phase. I start to lose interest and enthusiasm in anything, activity or event that appears to remain the same, unchanged over time. I like it when things are constantly changing with the excitement level always high. I like being always on the move.

I hope the next semester will be very exciting! Thanks for reading…

 
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Posted by on February 1, 2014 in Experiences, Life, People, Uncategorized

 

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The Facebook impact

The Facebook impact

http://content.time.com/time/video/player/0,32068,711047870001_2037225,00.html

Above is the link to the interview with the person whom I consider one of the most revolutionary minds of this era. Of all the social-networking sites, I consider Facebook the most powerful and revolutionary. I can’t forget to mention here the fast-growing uprisings in Egypt, Libya, Tunisia and other countries. That ‘revolution’, in fact, caught momentum on Facebook and spread all over the places much like a wildfire. The once peaceful, politically and economically stable countries turned into a mess in such a short span of time and all of this so-called revolution was created and promoted by social-media users, particularly Facebook. That might be just one the many powerful impacts it has had on nations in recent years!

It’s all before our eyes whether the ‘revolution/change’ brought peace, stability and prosperity to the land, OR it turned out to be disastrous? How can we justify all the violence that sprang up as a result of these revolutions in the name of democracy?  I mean, what the fcuk is democracy? Was it important than the peace, the native culture and more than all, the lives of the people???

Well, it’s an entirely different topic to debate how the revolution paid off, whether it was necessary to overthrow the governments or not, but the result of it is not hidden. Compare the present state of those countries with their past. It gave them nothing, but destruction! It just replaced the old dictators with new dictators and exchanged peace with terror, that’s all it did for them and that is what is ironically celebrated as ‘the Arab Spring’.

Having discussed the political impact of the social-media activism, I want to discuss the social impact…

Just like the political impact, the social behavior of people has changed enormously due to Facebook. There was a time when people used to keep real-life interactions. All the social obligations used to function in a very natural and meaningful manner. But now, after the integration of social networks into people’s lives, the way they interact has completely changed and switched to mere online pokes, friendships, comments and likes. It’s rather creating more MISUNDERSTANDINGS, as the culture we see on the internet is entirely different than the reality on ground.

Before this Facebook-impact, people cared so much about their privacy and also, that of others, but now girls are voluntarily showcasing their pictures much like whores, sorry to say, but that’s true. There was some difference between private and public, girls did not have to put their photos up for the public to ‘like’ and pass ”comments” on. Similarly, men were never so desperate to show their best off for attention seeking. People were not so thirsty for publicity and self-promotion. At social gatherings: weddings, birthdays, etc, they used to be present at the event, both physically and mentally, unlike now, when people are just glued to their phones, indifferent to those sitting around them and obsessed with ”announcing” where they are at, what they are doing, how they are feeling and whom they are with to their Facebook circles via status updates, instead of enjoying the party in real.

Before this social revolution, the word ‘care and love’ meant being honest, truthful and making someone feel special by showing and proving it practically. Although faking and hypocrisy has always been a human instinct, but never was it so high in our daily lives; thanks to Facebook for making that happen! In short, everything was REAL, which now has turned only VIRTUAL and almost fake unfortunately. The fact about getting hundreds of banal posts on your birthday even from people whom you never met face-to-face is a sufficient proof how meaningless all the virtual expressions really are!  Facebooking has transformed the way people socialize! The essence of relations/friendships has just decreased to liking each other’s stuff, as if pressing the Like really means something, just like the ‘happy birthday’ posts. To know how meaningful those ‘Likes’ are, kindly read my blog-post ”The World of Likes”

Not only has it changed the way of interaction, but also there is some sort of psychological impact on the individuals who use it. Almost everybody on Facebook seems to have been suffering from narcissism and some sort of superiority complex. The uploading and sharing of pictures with different poses every week itself is a sufficient evidence to prove this attention-seeking disease. Girls showing off their pictures like prostitutes craving for attention, liking and commenting on everybody’s photos, all this clearly shows their frustration. And the same crazy behavior by men uploading thousands of pictures to look ‘cool’ apparently indicates a psychological disorder.

It will be unfair and prejudiced to mention all the negativity without admiring the good things done by Facebook. I love and really admire the brains behind it, especially that of its founder. Just look at him in the video I have shared, how simple he looks. Look at the chair he sits in and the room where the interview is conducted by TIME, it all shows simplicity, and I love him for that and I hope he and his team will make social-networking more useful and meaningful by making improvements.

Facebook has literally removed much of the walls around us. Now you don’t have to struggle to peep into someone’s private life. You don’t have to make any efforts or beg anybody to tell you what he/she likes, dislikes, where she goes, what her beliefs are, who is she with, etc etc! 😉 Because they are already sharing about themselves VOLUNTARILY. This had never happened before! So this, of course, has made life much easier! 😀 In the past, you had to express your emotions practically, but now, you just have to show it virtually by clicking on the Like buttons and/or finishing all your comments with a kissing, laughing, or winking emoticon. Similarly, you can make the other person loved by sending this ‘<’ coupled with ‘3’. That shows pure love! Does it not? So… has it ever been so easy before? 😉

All jokes and sarcastic comments apart, it has really given VOICE to the people, which was never done before. Now, every man and woman can speak out whatever they want, and no one can stop them. This is something good for all those who believe in free-speech. It has also reshaped the conventional journalism, enabling the common man to take up the issues and convey the message to a larger audience. They are now reporting and sharing every news or events they consider important. People had never been so active in issues surrounding them and had never dared to question the wrongdoings of their governments, to hold them accountable, to make them act and serve the people sincerely instead of filling their own pockets. The sharing of information had never been so fast and easy. Facebook is an excellent means to propagate any piece of information in a very little time to a very large population. News of injustices shared on it sometimes turn so viral that the concerned authorities get compelled to respond and ensure justice.

At the end, in a short note, I would clarify that I am neither against, nor I am in favour of Facebook. Basically, it all depends on the user. By no means, we can blame any product or service, because it’s all upto the user who uses it according to his/her wish. A person can take someone’s life with a knife, or even save someone’s life with the same tool! So the debate whether social-media, particularly Facebook, is good or not, that entirely depends upon the individual who uses it… Thanks for reading!

So… What are your views on the influence and impact caused by Facebook? 😉

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2014 in Experiences, Life, People, Uncategorized, Views on News, World

 

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A different perception

A different perception

I am on holiday these days and the university is off till the 3rd of February.

Sitting in my bed, I am typing this blog-post as a confession to none, but myself, that I am the biggest enemy of myself. I exactly mean what I said. I really am my own enemy because I am the enemy of my time, my priceless time. The time which is composed of seconds… In other words, I am the enemy of my seconds that make up my minutes, minutes that make up my hours and hours creating my days, and days forming my years and years composing my life on earth!! As a result of this logical fragmentation of time, we can understand the meaning of time, in fact, the VALUE of TIME!!

We have the option to approach time from two psychological perspectives – time as seconds (the narrow approach) and time as life (the broader approach). Both of them have a different impact on our dealing with our time!! That is, if we approach time from the narrow angle, then we will start considering time as insignificant as seconds. On the other hand, if we observe time from the other broader approach, time means life, then we realize that life must not be wasted!!
In short, the narrow approach tells us that time can be wasted! While the broader approach to time makes us realize that time must not be wasted!

Procrastination and suicide is pretty much the same. The basic purpose is similar in both, that is, self-destruction, only with the difference that in suicide the person wastes his life in a matter of seconds, but in procrastination, he wastes his life, his time, so slowly to catch any attention. The second difference between the two self-killings is that in a suicide, the waste of life is intentional, but in procrastination, it’s unintended. Not even the person committing procrastination himself is aware of this self-wasting, let alone driving the attention of others. By contrast, the typical suicidal person who intentionally wants to waste his life is given coverage by the media, his issue is raised, discussed and the solution is sought. But the procrastinator’s unintentional self-killing has never been an issue. It’s just like how the discovery of a gold mine is something worth to talk about, while the mountains of ordinary stones is nothing so special due to it’s abundance. To quote, around 80% of the total world population somehow suffers from procrastination, which perhaps makes it a too-ordinary-to-deserve-any-attention issue!! But if we ask this general question from ourselves, we will understand how things are insanely going opposite and how our preferences are misplaced: Who should be saved first, a suicidal person who is purposefully wasting his life or a procrastinator who goes into wasting his life without knowing it??

So by that argument, we can derive that there are two types of self-killing:

  •  Suicide > intentional and quick
  •  Procrastination > unintentional and too slow to be noticed

It just clicked in my mind that there does exist a third difference between the two, that is, in suicide the person inflicts psychological pain on others and frees himself of all agonies, but in procrastination, the person himself goes through the pain with all else indifferent to it.

Now going back to the first para of this blog, I believe, It’s only a matter of perception that destroys us or makes us stand on our feet, that makes us waste or utilize our time. As I already discussed in detail, the meaning or value of the word ‘time’ is the same; the difference is in the approach. And that difference in approach does not change time itself, it changes us instead. Whether we approach it from the broad or narrow aspect, time is time, but the point to be noted is, our behavior towards time changes and adapts itself with the perspective we choose.  Right here on this stop, another thought just landed on my mind… and this is the most important difference to be remembered!! — The fourth difference, I believe, is that there is no cure for suicide, on the contrary, procrastination does have a cure!!

So let’s talk of the cure!! 🙂

When we think of time in term of seconds, we might take it lightly, in fact, we do take it very light, and thus we get more prone to wasting it. On the other hand, if we consider time as life, our attitude would be more careful about how and where we spend it. In fact, that perception alone would compel us to behave more in a responsible and productive way! So changing our perception is the real cure to it and that needs nothing, but willpower!!

So what is it that has made me go so careless with my time? Why do I undervalue the time so much that it became the cause of losing even the very easily obtainable opportunities? In student life, what else could be the most important job to a student except for his or her studies? Who could be the person who makes fresh plans at the starting of every session and goes on making plans throughout the course until he finally finds out that exams are only a day away?? And still who could be more time-waster and foolish than he, who despite knowing that he has got only 24 hours to start studying puts the book by his side and goes into some random thoughts until he realizes that the clock has struck past 4am and he still hasn’t started yet and is already feeling tired? Who could be more unrealistically optimistic than him that still believes he can finish the whole course spanning a whole semester just in the remaining next few hours before the paper starts? God knows, who on earth could break this record of starting preparation for ”final papers” only a few hours before the exam? No. I am not boasting of anything. This is ”how honest” I have been with my studies and other matters concerning myself for the last almost five years and that is why my graph has gone down. I delay what I am supposed to do till the very last moment when I realize that I am left with no time. For that reason, I have messed up with even very petty matters that were within my grasp.

Months reduce to days, days break into hours and hours shrink into minutes, till the deadlines come, and I still don’t start acting despite knowing all the consequences. With all the required materials at hand, I missed the deadline for an student exchange program. With all the comfort and peace of mind I have, I missed the time for preparation for exams. I don’t want to, I never wanted to, but I missed them … aaah, just leave it, bygones are bygones, no regret at all. Because I and my readers still have it in our hand and we can make it!! 🙂

One out-of-the-context thing I would like to share here is that I am the type of person who never had any fixed schedule. I always wanted to follow a routine with a fixed sleep time, study time, time to spend with family and all in a proper order. For the last many years, I have been drawing timetables/rules for myself, but never had I gathered in me the consistency and determination to follow them. The most I could stick to my timetable or rules lasted for no more than a day. Haha, funny as it is!! 😀 After one or two days, I would again feel lazy and all the enthusiasm would die away like the clouds blown away by winds… Whenever I get this feeling that I am out of the track and that I have to get back on it, the first thing I do is, repenting on the time I wasted and thinking on to planning a timetable that will prove most efficient for me, provided I follow it. But the problem is, as I said, I could never stick to my time plan. Sometimes, I even spend the whole day literally doing nothing. Doing nothing but killing the time. AND killing the time does mean something if we look at it from the broader perspective I explained above!! In other words, killing the time is like killing your life, yourself!!

But this must not be the case after whatever I have written here. The tips I have discussed, I myself must follow them first and apply them to my life before suggesting it to any other. In fact, I am nobody to give tips. The fact is, I had started this blog-post to write about a few documentaries and movies I downloaded and watched during this holiday. But as you see, it turned out to be a totally different article, about things I never thought of before. I swear, haha, I never thought of writing about such depressing things.. Maybe, I wrote it because I was destined to write this and maybe this write-up may do some good for someone in this infinite world.

Anyways, let’s get to the conclusion; CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION and YOUR PERCEPTION WILL CHANGE YOU! Look at your time not as seconds, but think of it as your life. Only then you will value it and only then can we get rid of procrastination.

I hope you enjoyed reading it and I hope my observations/conclusions will be of some help for me and for all my readers. I say ALL, because all of us are partly procrastinators in one way or the other! 🙂

 
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Posted by on January 24, 2014 in Experiences, Life, Uncategorized

 

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From the heart, not the tongue

This is an addition to my previous blog “Please, stop questioning” where I stressed on certain things by quoting examples that might leave the reader thinking as to what is so annoying about them. To elaborate more on that, I am writing this.

The question ‘where are you lost these days’ asked on every meeting has been adopted by some people to show care and is normally said while greeting someone. I don’t know why, but I feel there is no meaning and no emotions attached to it. The phrase has no feelings in it and is a mere fake gesture to show friendliness. So is keeping friendly relations all about expressing fake care to each other? I deem it fake because communication has never been as easy as in today’s world. Everybody owns a mobile and an SMS or a call to inquire about someone’s health you really care costs almost nothing. So if I really cared about someone and I was really worried, I would simply call him or send him a text. That does mean something, and I do respect such gestures! But the usually practiced formality of questioning when the person is in front of you is totally a drama and holds no meaning. Similarly, the text messages we forward to everybody on our contact-list on some festive days is again a dull practice of fake expression of love and care. What does it mean to send a generic message to all? Do we keep equal relations and equal level of care for all?? Of course, not! Then what is the meaning behind sending the same message to all? Again emotionless and impassive way of showing care.

In the same way, all acts that have no real feelings in them certainly mean nothing to me and the expression of those acts, in fact, annoy me instead of pleasing, because I search for real meanings in small expressions, and the real meaning of any expression lies not in the showiness but the essence of the message and they come from the heart, not the tongue, and you feel it.

 
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Posted by on January 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Please, stop questioning

Please, stop questioning

There are certain questions or remarks by people that make me think of myself and my situation. I rather take a pause and think before answering them. Certainly, all of us get to see such comments while interacting with different people in our daily lives and it’s quite normal, but for me, questions like ‘where are you lost these days? (ta pata niki wa haya muzhi/kidhar ghaib ho aaj kal?)’ seem very nonsensical especially when asked by people whom you meet every day in university or college. Why on earth would I say ‘where are you lost?’ to someone whom I meet every next day? Would asking that every time you meet up not be annoying to your friend? I don’t know why, but I really feel displeased when I am asked silly and unnecessary questions like, for example, during exams if someone asks me whether I am studying or not, I feel like the questioner is undervaluing my mental state by asking such a stupid question, because I already know I have to prepare for it and they must already realize, at least by my age, that I am not so immature to be told to study or do this or that. I feel like the person who asked that is wasting his/her energy and time, and is also making me waste mine by morally compelling me to answer him or her. Likewise, the corridor discussions of classmates also annoys me when you go out of the room after taking the exam, the first and every next person you meet will ask you how you performed in the paper. Or, if you are coming to the hall before the exam started, everybody you meet would ask how you prepared. Either you reply in positive or you say you haven’t prepared enough or you did bad, in both situations, they would give remarks that would further irritate you. So after tolerating them much, I have discovered a new way to deal with them. When they inquire, I straightaway say that the results would reveal everything, so wait till it’s announced. Even then, they would say, ‘yes, the results would, but still, how was it? How was the paper? What did you do? etc etc’… questions that are completely none of their business!!

It makes me curious as to what makes them so ambitious to interrogate every detail of things that matter none to them. Whether it’s because they care to see you and know of your circumstances when you don’t appear for one day or a few hours, or it has just become a social norm? It is these useless and meaningless formalities that, in fact, make me feel uncomfortable!

The questions in my mind are, what makes them act like an interviewer and you an interviewee? Why are conversations among people who are just acquainted with each other more like an interview with just questioning and answering, and that too, irrelevant and dull? Why do they want to know things that are none of their business? Is it the same in all countries/societies other than Pakistan??

A patient lying in bed receives guests, for example, and the first thing they ask from the weak and pale patient is, how do you feel? Question like this again makes me think as to why ask when you already know that he or she is NOT feeling well due to which he or she is lying in bed with a drip injected to his/her body and lots of medicines lying on the side-table. Is the condition of that person before your own eyes not enough to tell you how he or she might be feeling?? Do you doubt your eyes? Or DO YOU THINK HE/SHE IS JUST ACTING LIKE THAT AND MAKING A FOOL OF YOU??? (Oh, yes. I might feel offended if someone asks me how I feel when I am having a high fever and by all means I appear sick, because he is questioning my condition by asking how I feel. Of course, it’s not enjoyable to be ill)

Similarly, there are questions being asked like ‘are you home? (haawa? / aagaye?)’ when you ARE at home and they see it!! Sometimes, I jokingly answer ‘no, I am not home yet.’ And then there are questions when you are going somewhere, for example, you are on the way to market and suddenly you meet someone you know. The first thing he will say is ‘where are you going’? Or even more stupid, if you coming back from the market with shopping bags and stuff that by all looks, you appear to be coming after shopping, when you come across someone on the way or on entering home, the first thing you will be asked is ‘are you coming from the marketplace?’ ‘Of course, yes’ is the formal answer to that, but sometimes I want to respond ‘no, can’t you see, I just went fishing. Caught two fish’.

I know these are insignificant things and are normally ignored, but what made me highlight these is to tell that we must USE our brain and our senses first before putting forward any question or a remark. If you really care for someone, prove it by action, not just by interviewing!! At the end, let us ask this question from ourselves, is it necessary and meaningful to ask something that we already know???

Thanks for reading and share your views in comments… PS: It was only for the purpose of writing practice, nothing serious!  The fact is, I myself ask very silly questions. Haha. 🙂

 

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A race towards no end…

A race towards no end…

The question that sometimes strikes my mind is, have we ever taken a pause to think where science is leading us, or to talk realistically, where we are leading science? Every day we are putting all our resources and effort into satisfying our wants by new innovations and advancing technology, only to end up in a situation more problematic and complex than the previous. And then in solving those ramifications, we create more and more problems, thus making our very own survival on this planet harder than ever. Precisely, we are digging our own grave in order to bury our wants, but in doing so, we have dug so deep into the ground that now it has become almost impossible for us to climb out of it. Literally, we are stuck!

It is a fact that there is no limit to human wants. We have had enough for the satisfaction of our needs, alas, we sought fulfilling our wants instead. It is this failed attempt at fulfillment of the unlimited, unsatisfying desires that lead us to the world we live in now and we are still fighting this battle without realizing the fact.

Wants/desires are something that differs with person in quantity as well as type, but needs remain almost alike in all humans. As students of economics, we have been taught that resources are scarce and wants unlimited. But why worry about wants in the first place? Why don’t we just utilize the resources for the fulfillment of human needs; the things of which a huge portion of the world population is deprived. Why don’t the governments feed the hungry first, instead of feeding their hunger for more, and then blaming it on nature for the limited resources. The problem is not the resources, in fact it is the greed to satisfy our unending wants/desires with those limited resources.

Recently, I got something to learn from a friend which I want to share, as I think it might relate to the discourse here. My friend is of the opinion that a person can have a content and meaningful life if he/she is successful in bringing balance in between the basic ingredients that come together and that can be called ‘inbuilt needs’ of all humans. Those ingredients form a circle, if put in a diagram; the ‘circle of bliss’ (just to give a name), which only revolves around the human needs, not wants, like the Maslow’s pyramid. So those ingredients that complete this ‘wheel of contented life’ are: mental needs, physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, family, social needs and finances.

The circle starts with mental needs. Because a person having everything, but mental ability to observe, understand and judge will naturally live a discontent life. So it’s necessary that all the mental faculties function properly, so he/she can live a normal life.

Then comes the emotional needs of a person, which include his or her love or marital life, and all other things that have to do with one’s emotions.

A person with a properly working brain is someone who believes in the existence of God. No matter what, there is this spiritual belief in his or her life. Anybody with spiritual need not met cannot find his or her heart at peace.

Family is the fourth part of the wheel, without which life is colourless. It is family that brings meaning to our life. Therefore, this has to be satisfied, otherwise even an aging billionaire with no family is not happy deep in heart.

Man is a social animal, and yes, that’s true! We live in society, we are a part of the people we live among. And in order to acquire self-esteem, we naturally strive to look better in every aspect in other’s eyes. This leads us to social interactions with other people, thus it is a necessary part of the wheel to have a joyful life.

And last but not least is the finances of a person. It is mostly important for the social and family needs; to keep them glued in the wheel.

The world would be much better off, if we start to realize the truth that this race that we are leading is going nowhere… End of the story comes with the coming of the last breath we have!! So enjoy your life and don’t consume yourself only for more and more consumption and don’t battle with your desires, they will never end. Or, they will end with us, just as they were born with us!!

Before concluding, I must ask you for your previous views in comments, which is valuable for better understanding of the subject. May us all have balance in our lives and may the wheel of our life keeps running with all the needs being discussed. I hope you like it. Thanks for reading and don’t forget to comment! 😉

 
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Posted by on December 16, 2013 in Anticipation, Brain and Heart, Culture, Emotions, Experiences, Intellect, Life, Logic, Love, Love, People, Rationality, Reason, Religion, Religion, Society, Spirituality, Stupidity, Uncategorized, Wisdom

 

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The grouping of friends

One of the things that I have observed and maybe my views may change with time, as I have a lot more time to complete my degree programme, is the formation, disintegration and the type and timings of friendships between students throughout the course. Though I am not a student of psychology, neither have I studied the subject, but I feel this writing of mine is related to social psychology. And I wish to hear from you in comments at the end of the reading.

In the early days, when everybody is new in the university and to each other, and when everybody feels alone, that is the time most of the students start searching for new friends. A few handshakes and one or two gatherings at any place, inside or outside the class-room environment, is enough to bring them close, and as everybody is desperate for some sort of company of friends, they just start to feel like friends despite not knowing each other quite well. I think, this is the type of friendship that arises out of ‘need’ and is compelled merely by the human instinct of socializing. It usually leads to the formation of groups of four, five or more people. I emphasize the word ‘need’, as it is the main driving factor for bringing them together, because first they are to satisfy their innate needs for socializing and second, they naturally feel more secure by staying together and forming groups against the possibility of being ragged by the old students. So this is how connections are formed in the early stage of entering a new university or college.

Everybody while pursuing their own self-interest and need for feeling secure, unintentionally make friendships with unknown people; people they have never met in their life are called as friends in such a short time, most probably in the first week of university. The individual interest, here, serves the interest of a whole group consisting of people totally stranger to each other.

What I believe is this so-called friendship lasts not for so long. The stage of reviewing comes in when the students get used to the new life and environment. This is the time when they no more feel insecure without the company of each other. Hence, a silent review of the groups and of those in the groups starts processing in the minds of everyone. When they come to the conclusion that the group they are already in or the persons they are already with has the same interests, they don’t go for the next stage: the stage of dis- and re-integration. They remain in the same groups or with the same people whom they happened to meet whether as coincidence or as a matter of similarity in ethnicity, language, culture or same area of origin.

In every aspect, the life of this in-group friendship depends upon the mindset of all individuals. If a person values ethnicity more than anything else, he or she will prefer to stay in the same (ethnic) group. These type of people will stay together irrespective of the clash between their personality types, because they prefer other factors like language, area or religion etcetera over this one. But those who believe in friendships based on similar persona cannot stay or feel easy in groups that comprises people with different preferences. So they, after reviewing the nature of the group they were in, decide to move on quietly and go over to the next stage of soul searching so as to re-integrate themselves with someone with similar personality traits. In this process all the individuals with such thinking completely or partially disassociate themselves from the previous groups. And until they find another person with the same likes and dislikes as theirs, they either live solitary, or temporarily break into all groups of friends within the class to find a like-minded friend. The search ends until they discover the person they were looking for. And this is the time when on the other side of the picture, the person they just found also happens to have found the person he was searching for.

Thus, the people who prefer individual characteristics over any other factor will cut themselves off from the groups they got into in the very beginning, and will make a new group of their own. The number of people in this type of group is mostly no more than 2 or 3 people because such type of people are limited in number. Chances of clashes in this type of group is almost zero and they really enjoy each other’s company, as their personalities are in harmony with each other, with the same likes and dislikes. While on the contrary, in the other groups, although the reason behind their bonding is the same for everyone in their respective groups, that is, same culture, language, same goals in studies, competition, or religion etc, even then there would be infighting, politics and mistrust between them because of the muster of diverse personalities in a single group. What I conclude is, a group of friends based on harmony of personalities is likely to be permanent or last longer than a group that is formed upon other factors due to the phenomenon of personality clash.

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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